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whatever happens

April 2017

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whatever happens

I'm a bit amazed that, slowly but surely, my life is getting better. Despite setbacks, I seem to be shifting in a positive direction.

Mostly this has to do with work. I'm so much less stressed now, even though the b*tch wrote me up. Before (from late October until mid-June), every day I'd come into work with the crushing anxiety of knowing that there were at least 5 or 6 things on my desk that either had to be done immediately, had to be done before I got into deep trouble, were one or two weeks overdue, or were difficult projects - or any combination of those things - and that I was going to have to work full-out, all day, while constantly being interrupted to answer questions, to train somebody, or to be hassled by Dede... and all this, just to keep even. Running as fast as I could to stay in the same place, essentially. Then at the end of the day I'd have to stagger home in a car with no AC (and in the winter, a none-too-good defroster, which needs the AC to work properly), do my chores, get 4 hours sleep, and then get up the next day and go through it all again.

Also, like everyone else, we're suffering from the gas prices, and my commute has stretched to 2 hours in, 2.5 hours home, so that I can carpool with my roomie (who has to sit around Wal Mart for 3 extra hours a day).

I've been so tired and so stressed that all the things in life that I love most have been given short shrift or dropped altogether. My leisure time on weekends has mostly been taken up with the attempt to recoup enough physical and mental energy to get the necessary chores done.

Now, however, things have turned around. I have a nice, comfortable car, so I get home much less wasted. The two new administrators are really sharp, needing almost no training from me. My work is all caught up. I've actually been doing filing. Yesterday and today I had moments when I had nothing to do (GASP!!!) and had to make work for myself. I'm more relaxed when people ask me things now. I'm reading books - good books - instead of playing mindless computer games at lunch. At home, I'm actually doing some housekeeping. I'm also slowly devoting more time and attention to my friends, who deserve so much better than what I've given them in the past months. And wonder of wonders, at last, after a long, long dry spell, my creativity is starting to stir, and I'm turning my attention to the possibility of taking up "Prelude" once more.

I feel as if I'm dragging myself out of the lightning sand in the Fire Swamp. I feel better, even if I know there are R.O.U.S.'s still out there. (Although it's too bad I don't have a Westley to help me out...!)

Comments

Thank goodness! I am so happy for you!
I am so very glad to hear all of this. I know how stressed you've been for a very long time now, and how it's been wearing on you. I know from personal experience what stress can do to a person, and it's not good.

If you do, indeed, decide to begin writing and continue with "Prelude", you know that I'll be there to read it; as I expect, will be many others. However, that doesn't really matter. Write for your own pleasure. God knows, that's what I do. ;)

There will always be R.O.U.S.'s out there. We can't avoid them, but we can deal with them. And we don't need Westleys. It's much better to know that you can crawl out of that lightning sand all on your own. (although, I will admit, having a friend or two to help can never hurt. But knowing that you can do it alone if you have to is the best feeling.)

*loveshugs*
You deserve every single bit of happiness that life can offer, my friend. I'm glad that you're feeling positive and that things are looking up for you.
I feel the same way about you, my friend. I know you went through a truly bad patch recently, and I know I offered no help, but that wasn't because I wasn't thinking about you. One of the pleasures life has been giving me recently has been seeing you recover from that and realize your own worth. You deserve all happiness, too.