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April 2017

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want to kill the monkey

In celebration of my approaching retirement, I'd like to share this, which I found while cleaning my hard drive (i.e., getting rid of incriminating evidence):

Things you'd love to say at work but can't:

1. I can see your point, but I still think you're full of shit.

2. I don't know what your problem is, but I'll bet it's hard to pronounce.

3. How about never? Is never good for you?

4. I'm really easy to get along with once you people learn to worship me.

5. I'll try being nicer if you'll try being smarter.

6. I don't work here. I'm a consultant.

7. Ahhh...I see the f*&k-up fairy has visited us again...

8. I have plenty of talent and vision. I just don't give a damn.

9. I'm already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.

10. Thank you. We're all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.

11. The fact that no one understands you doesn't mean you're an artist.

12. I'm not being rude. You're just insignificant.

13. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.

14. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be...?

15. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.

16. If I throw a stick, will you leave?

17. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.

18. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

19. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

20. How do I set a laser printer to stun?

21. I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Comments

I was just thinking about you the other day, and thinking that the time of your release from hell was getting near. ;) I mentally did a happy dance for you, since I happened to be in a store at the time, and I might have received some weird looks if I had actually started dancing. ;)

These are great! *hugs*
Nice list. I have to disagree with #21 - turns out I got morals about getting that paycheck. Still - yay for retiring! What's the first thing you're going to do with the extra time?
The first thing I'm going to do with the extra time? SLEEP IN. No alarm clocks is my idea of bliss right now.

As for me, #21 sorta fits, since the only career I ever had in mind was writing, and that doesn't pay the bills!
LOL! You might even have ended up in a viral video!