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April 2017

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Note to Laura:

My dear girl, there is absolutely nothing mediocre about you. It is our society, the world, the times - those are what are mediocre. I am 59 years old, and I've got a lot of life experience and have met many, many people, and I am telling you, you have in you all that is best in human beings. What is best isn't worldly success. That's mostly a matter of bullshit and luck. What is best is what you have, a loving, caring heart and a deep base of ethical virtue. You bless the lives of the people you touch. Forgive your grandmother and love her anyway, and stop blaming yourself because the world sucks. It sucketh not where you are in it, and no one can say better than that.


I don't know what to say, Kathy. It was just lovely to find this entry late on Christmas night.

I will always love my grandma, no matter what. She has good days and bad days - yesterday she remembered that I was family (and said "I love you"), which was one of the best Christmas presents I could have asked for. I'm slowly accepting the fact that, although I have lost the grandma I know and love, she is safe and happy in her own little world. I know that 2012 is going to be a tough year and, by the time next Christmas rolls around, it's unlikely that my grandma is going to be with us any more. However, I will continue to do whatever I can to make her happy / comfortable and, when the end comes, I will be there by her side.

I am trying to shift my "I feel like a failure" mentality. I'm counting my blessings. I have a great deal to be thankful for, after all. I can't promise that I will stop beating myself up (it's always been my coping mechanism, albeit a very bad one) but I will certainly try my hardest to remember that job / financial success isn't everything. Friends and family always tell me that I have a good heart. Maybe I should start listening to them.

Thank you, dear. ♥

Edited at 2011-12-26 10:40 am (UTC)